Man, it has been forever since I blogged. Especially about Nani. Her
blog is updated, with TWO posts even.
The first post is about her birthday. She just turned 2. I have a toddler. Crazy.
I actually really enjoy the toddler stage. I like that she can interact with me (even though she talks nearly all the time), use her imagination, understand being silly and playing games, understand things I explain and teach, etc.
I did not enjoy the infant stage. I always loved my baby, but I had a really rough time with motherhood. Truth be told, I still do. There was a perfect storm of things that had an impact on me not enjoying an infant, but my ridiculously long postpartum depression and my inability to have someone dependent on me were definitely the biggest factors.
I've struggled with postpartum depression since she was born, and it wasn't until just a few months ago that I started feeling like I'm getting the better of it (instead of vice versa). I still have rough days, but it's so nice to feel like I'm finally digging myself out of that hole.
Recently I've discovered I internally let my sadness define me, that I know I'm sad and that's the biggest battle so therefore I've won. I am currently working on not just being content with recognizing depression, but actually taking steps to live my life despite it. To actually try to overcome it. It's slow going, but I'm looking forward to actually empowering myself.
I don't know why I just shared this with the Internet. Maybe because I know other people struggle silently with these feelings, and it's nice to know you're not alone and you're not weird.
So, the moral of the story is, there are two new blog posts about Nadine, who I love and adore and cherish and who brings me much joy (when I allow myself to realize it).
