The times they are a'changing

Fifteen-ish years ago, I'm pretty sure White Zombie (and I) did not anticipate this.

Eminem probably didn't either.

Heh.

Annie Get Your Gun (or, A 'Slate'-worthy Rant)

At a recent book club, the topic of conversation turned to giving birth (why, in groups of mothers, does the conversation nearly always devolve into birth stories? I enjoy telling mine, but my goodness! I also enjoy a break from talking about children.).

I started thinking about birth stories, different ways of giving birth, the fact women judge each other about their birthing choices, and women judging each other in general. Why do we do this to each other? Why do some women enjoy patting themselves on the back, engaging in one-upmanship, and smugly humming the song, “Anything you can do I can do better”? I wish women would be supportive of each other and celebrate any success in the very difficult job that is motherhood.

For me, the most frustrating “debate” is epidural vs no epidural.

I had an epidural. I loved it. I will have one again. Me having an epidural doesn’t make me any less of a mother. I still carried a baby for nine months and then propelled her from my body. I don’t expect judgment or praise for doing what I did; it is what it is. I made an educated and informed decision, and other women make their own (hopefully) educated and informed decisions to have a baby at home, in a hospital without having an epidural, and via cesarean section (collectively, my favorite people have used all of these methods).

Drugs, no drugs (I can’t stand the term “natural;” the very act of removing a baby from your body is natural, as is taking drugs to alleviate pain), C-section—all are valid ways to have a baby. No method is superior to the others, and no woman should feel less of a mother because of the method she chose or what was deemed medically necessary for her. Carrying and giving birth to a baby is tough and painful, and for that alone we should support each other (and when I say "don’t judge," I also mean do not militantly recruit others to your way of doing things; scare tactics are nasty).

Some women have babies in a hospital, some women don’t have epidurals, and some women are unable to naturally have babies—all methods are valid and deserve no judgment. We’re all in the same boat, ladies! We’re trying to raise children to become responsible, productive, interesting, non-annoying adults. Why can’t we all just get along?

I truly don’t understand this phenomenon. Do some women feel diminished if another woman has a different birth experience than hers? This doesn’t happen in any other area of medicine. When someone has her appendix removed, the following exchange never happens: 

Oh, you had surgery? Did you go natural?

WHAT?! How selfish of you to use anesthesia. Your experience was so diminished.

Don’t you know hospitals are dangerous?

When my appendix was removed, I didn’t have any drugs. It was removed at home. By my neighbor.

I’m going to give you some web sites full of anecdotal evidence about why your choice is wrong.

I’m also going to show you a video full of anecdotal propaganda about why your choice is wrong.

Next time you have an organ removed, you really should do it my way.

Seriously. Isn’t that an odd exchange? Yet a variation of the above conversation happens every time women discuss giving birth. Some women smugly insist their way is superior than another way, and this is incorrect and unfair. There are many ways to do a good thing.

Why do we judge the choices other moms make? Except in the cases of child abuse and smoking around children (and other practices that have actual scientific, verifiable evidence of their negative effects), we shouldn't question what other parents do. Most women are doing the best they can do, and we should support that. There are many different, effective, positive ways to give birth to and raise children. My way of doing it is no less valid than yours, even if it is different.

Stop judging. Stop it.

Sheesh

Here is reason #9,876,567,345 I don't want pets.

They don't know what to do with kids and will attack them.

At my friend's house today Nadine got swatted by a cat. Who hadn't been de-clawed. I am so grateful she closed her eye, because two of the three puncture marks are right by her eye. One was at the very edge of the bottom of her eye. Poor girl got a black eye from a cat!

She cried for a bit, but she's a tough girl. And then when the other cat appeared, she immediately screeched with joy and crawled after it. No harm no foul.

And yes, there is immense mommy guilt associated with this episode. I should have been right by her while she was in an animal's face, and I should not have allowed my baby to even be in an animal's face. Live and learn.

Things that make you go, Hmmmmmmm

It took me 30 years to realize you're supposed to mix Corn Starch

with a little bit of water before adding it to whatever you want to thicken. Instead I've always just been embarrassed by the Corn Starch clumps in my sauces.

I literally learned this trick a month ago. I don't even remember where I read it (maybe on the back of the Corn Starch container; I'm usually so good about reading directions . . .).

I wonder what else I don't know.

Spring forward

So for the first time in my life, I slept through a time change and was late for something--something important, such as church. We were 45 minutes late. Only because we got texted by my dad and our brother-in-law. If not, we would have arrived for church an hour late thinking we were totally on time. We're dorks.

Fortunately we have several lame excuses, as follows:

• The "spring" time change (it's not even spring!) is usually the first weekend-ish of April. Not the middle of March.
• No one told us to remember the time change (and apparently we're not official adults yet, so we need reminders or we whine)
• I was in a media blackout all weekend--I didn't read the paper (which had reminders) or visit the Internet, or watch TV. And in my defense, I had media blackout because it felt like it was 80 degrees outside Saturday morning and I was working in the yard.
• My cell phone didn't get the memo about changing its time at 2 AM, so my alarm was not valid
  

I believe that's the end of my sad excuses. How embarrassing for us. It actually was hilarious and I couldn't stop giggling about it last night.

And p.s., why don't we revolt and just get rid of these stupid time changes? Arizona (and I think a few other states who aren't as close to my own so I don't remember their names) don't participate in the time changes. Good for them. Another reason to settle in Arizona.

Has anyone else done this? Were we the only ones who missed the memo yesterday? (This cute family in our ward arrived at the building 10 minutes after us, so at least we had company.)