Man, it has been forever since I blogged. Especially about Nani. Her blog is updated, with TWO posts even.
The first post is about her birthday. She just turned 2. I have a toddler. Crazy.
I actually really enjoy the toddler stage. I like that she can interact with me (even though she talks nearly all the time), use her imagination, understand being silly and playing games, understand things I explain and teach, etc.
I did not enjoy the infant stage. I always loved my baby, but I had a really rough time with motherhood. Truth be told, I still do. There was a perfect storm of things that had an impact on me not enjoying an infant, but my ridiculously long postpartum depression and my inability to have someone dependent on me were definitely the biggest factors.
I've struggled with postpartum depression since she was born, and it wasn't until just a few months ago that I started feeling like I'm getting the better of it (instead of vice versa). I still have rough days, but it's so nice to feel like I'm finally digging myself out of that hole.
Recently I've discovered I internally let my sadness define me, that I know I'm sad and that's the biggest battle so therefore I've won. I am currently working on not just being content with recognizing depression, but actually taking steps to live my life despite it. To actually try to overcome it. It's slow going, but I'm looking forward to actually empowering myself.
I don't know why I just shared this with the Internet. Maybe because I know other people struggle silently with these feelings, and it's nice to know you're not alone and you're not weird.
So, the moral of the story is, there are two new blog posts about Nadine, who I love and adore and cherish and who brings me much joy (when I allow myself to realize it).
7 comments:
Oh Jen, I had no idea you were going through so much. That's really brave of you to open up about it. I know of a few people who have battled postpartum depression too. That's not an easy thing to deal with, but I think it's really admirable of you to recognize it and work towards overcoming it. Nani is such a cutie and lucky to have you as a mom. Off I go to check out her bday posts:-)
You are awesome! I am so glad you shared this. I wish more people were open and honest about it. I went through this a bit for the first time after having Everett. I just wasn't myself and didn't realize how much I wasn't myself until filling out one of those postpartum depression questionaires at the doctors office. I was totally shocked. Hormones can do crazy things to us. And let's face it...kids are hard! We love them, but along with bringing out our best, they can bring out our worst. Anyway, I'm so glad you talked about this because it is a real thing that probably so many are going through. I'm so glad to hear that there are more good days now.
I don't have any children, but college depresses me sometimes. Lol, especially this semester. I really have to work to stay positive and enjoy my experience. Life is good, no matter where we are. That's my input.
I liked this post. It was real. The internet becomes the perfect vehicle for pretend--we get to show everyone exactly what we want them to see. Like all media, it can be easily distorted.
I'm grateful you're willing to talk about it.
You are awesome for sharing! I am so sad it has been hard for you, but admitting it is the first step and the second is doing something about it, which I know you are already doing. My mom suffered from depression and so I know what it is like to have someone you love burdened with it. But you can overcome it. You are one of the strongest people I know, and you aren't one to let anything define you! You are amazing, and you have an amazing family! Nani is lucky to have you and you are lucky to have her!
Jen, it's Brittany!!! :) I haven't read your blog in a while, and I am so glad I did. You're such an amazing woman. I think back, in Henderson, with you as the R.S. president...you were the friendliest, nicest, caring, funny woman. I always thought, "She is going to be an awesome wife and mama one day."
Thank you for sharing this. You're such a strong woman. love and miss your smiling face.
Love Britt
I was just trying to explain to my visiting teacher last week how motherhood is so hard because we tend to think that it shouldn't be so hard and therefore we must be weaker because it's so hard for us. I so often see other moms with more children than I have and think- they're doing it-- so why is this hard for me? Truth is, motherhood is HARD! I love it, of course, and I can't even THINK of a life without my children, but it's also tough. AND, I don't even have depression. I can only imagine how grey it all is in such circumstances. Thanks for posting Jen. You're blessing more lives than you probably know with your example.
Post a Comment