-Like how being the parent of a newborn is insanely trying and, honestly, not very enjoyable. And how there seems to be a stigma against talking about that fact. As if we shouldn't admit this adorable new person in our household is more than we can and would like to handle most days. I had such guilt feeling like that, until others admitted they'd felt the same way. Phew. So either (1) all women truly love the newborn stage, which is amazing and by golly so lucky, or (2) not liking having a newborn is a
stage of parenthood you just have to get through. I'd guess #2 is the case most of the time, so I think it's something people should be allowed to discuss, if only because it's one less thing to feel mommy guilt about. Having a newborn is hard and it isn't fun, but it gets better (that's what everyone says; I'm still staring at that light at the end of the tunnel, though it's getting brighter). As long as you feed and love and treat with kindness this new person, it's ok if sometimes you dislike your current job.
The hard newborn stage, and the fact bottle-feeding doesn't make you less of a good mom, are two things I wish other moms would openly and without judgment discuss.
-How I listened to Christmas music on Sunday, 5 days before Thanksgiving, and that's just wrong, but it made me giddy. I love this time of year.
-How I keep wondering when I can take Nadine to the beach. Because I've realized I'm addicted to the sound of waves crashing on the shore.
-How, through sheer luck and joy, I trapped a mosquito in the dishwasher yesterday (after it bit me four times on my legs) and slammed the door shut and ran the appliance for a bit to kill the sucker (pun not intended, but hilarious). And it made me really, really happy.
-How, through sheer luck and joy, I trapped a mosquito in the dishwasher yesterday (after it bit me four times on my legs) and slammed the door shut and ran the appliance for a bit to kill the sucker (pun not intended, but hilarious). And it made me really, really happy.
-How I'm reading The Help and I love it. I look forward to feeding Nadine because that means I can read.
-How I bought these shoes, and they arrive in a few days, and I can't wait.
20 comments:
first of all you are so cute. i love the shoes too by the way...and THANK YOU for being so honest about the whole newborn thing.:)i can only TRY to imagine what it will be like, but i know it will be hard. it's refreshing to know someone else will talk openly about baby stuff. Because honestly, every prego i know is like.." yay i'm pregnant i love it and i can't wait for the newborn stage." and i am happy being prenant dont get me wrong...but seriously, being prego isn't that fun all the time! :)
phew..haha thanks for letting me get that off my chest.:)anyway, go you! you're awesome and good luck with that sweet little girl.
1-I TOTALLY LOVE THE SHOES!! My favorite moment after I had robert (non mommy moment that is) is when I had feet again and could wear my heels!! 2-I also struggled...still struggle with the newborn, not as fun as I thought it would be issue. Glad to know I'm not the only one :) He's super duper cute so it makes me feel guilty that I don't think that ALL the time! I love to see the pictures of your little one. She's adorable. Robert makes the same puckered lips face and I LOVE IT!
So, a few things:
1) I just finished The Help last night at 1:30 am. I LOVED it! I was addicted in the first few pages. So good.
2) The mommy guilt thing is so annoying. We all go through it.
3) Each newborn baby is so different. Some make it easier to enjoy them by taking long naps and not fussing when they're awake. I've been pretty lucky with 2/3 being good, Lucy was a stinker the first few months. I don't have many photos of her because she was always crying!
You're doing great. My motto is, just SURVIVE the first 3 months. It gets so much easier. And the more kids you have, the more you realize how fast this stage goes by, and the more you appreciate it. Save that for later, though. Just get through it. :)
I guess I was lucky with Landon. With him being 6 weeks early, staying 2 weeks in the NICU and already being trained to eat every 3 hours by the nurses really helped. And with him being early he slept...a lot. And when he was awake he was super happy. So yeah, I was lucky. I am just waiting for number 2 to be a little terror child - I am bracing myself. I totally agree with you about moms openly talking about bottle feeding and how that doesn't make you a bad mom. I had to bottle feed Landon and I felt so bad - I think mostly because I felt people were judging me and I always had to tell them WHY I had to bottle feed to make me feel better. One thing that I feel kinda bad about is that I am tempted to bottle feed baby #2 because it was SO convenient! I wasn't attached to baby 24/7...we will see what happens. I will at least try breast feeding, but if I struggle with it I am (hopefully) not going to feel guilty about going to the bottle again.
When ever I am talking to a new first-time mom or soon-to-be-mom, there's this sinking thought in the back of my head "you have no idea what you are in for!" You really don't. No matter how much you think you are prepared, no matter how much advice everybody gives you, your situation and your baby will always be slightly unique from everyone else.
I think Baby #1 is hard in general because, uh, you've never done this before. Everything is new (unless somehow you were a live-in nanny for a newborn...). When I was pregnant with #2, I was visiting a friend who just had a baby. He was only a few weeks old and she was patting him and bouncing him and he was fussing, and I groaned with in myself "oh no, the awful newborn stage". A few months later Avery was born and she was a dream. Sure, part of it was that she was quiet and she did sleep a lot (naps really, really help everyone stay sane), but part of it also was that I was more comfortable as a mother. Baby #1 is now 6 years old and I still struggle - because I've never parented a 6 year old before. Each stage is going to be all new for me. Poor, poor first children. (Wait a minute, are you the oldest in your family?)
I like breastfeeding because it's free. I feel bad for those of you blowing the bank on formula :) And my babies are NOT latched on to me 24/7. No thank you.
I vote definitely take her to the beach! I'm sure she'll love it. Just don't let her get sunburned. That always makes one feel like an excellent mommy!
Awesome shoes! and I'm going to have to get The Help. It sounds like a winner.
Like just about everyone else, I loved The Help too. Really good read.
Ahh, the newborn stage. I think you always want what you can't have. People do tell you to treasure it and love it and I know that sometimes it's hard, but you'll look back at it someday with fondness! I promise! My mom always used to tell me that bonding with your child happened best when things were hardest and you really had to dig in and serve your kid when you really didn't feel like it. It brings you closer, bonds you, and causes you to love your baby even more than you did the day you had her. Selfless mommy service = way better bonding tool than breastfeeding :)!
And yes, your shoes are mui bonita. I'm jealous.
Oh, "you always want what you can't have" = when they're newborns you want them to be more easily entertained, sleeping through the night, slightly more independent, etc. Once they get that way though, you totally miss the newborn stage (well, aspects of it). I miss Josie's newborn stage. Cuddling with all of my babies in the middle of the night is something I really really miss (even though I'm sleeping much better without it).
I just want to say THANK YOU for your honesty!! I think all of us women would be soooo much better off if we openly admitted how we really feel about marriage, being a mom, etc. It's like we don't want people to know that we're not 100% happy and loving life. And we're all afraid people will look down on us for how we feel, but in reality, they're all feeling the same thing.
Also, I LOVE the mosquito story (and pun) as well as the awesome new shoes. Good job finding joy in the little things to get you through the tough times.
Like the others, I love your shoes. I gasped when I saw them.
And as one without children but who is in fact female, I have to agree with Megan that women need to be ore open about the negatives in life! (I know, pessimist talking, but it's a good point) We really don't want people to know there's trouble in paradise, so no one talks about these things, and then women are weighed down with guilt over the things "only they" are feeling.
Way to break the viciously closed-mouth cycle!
I really liked this post. I can vividly remember how I felt after my first baby. I was overwhelmed and TIRED (which makes everything feel worse than it is)and I felt like I was in way over my head. One Sunday at church a woman asked me "aren't you just having so much FUN with your new baby?" I thought either a)I was the worst mom ever, or b)she had simply forgotten how hard a first baby can be. Hopefully, believing that it really WILL get better will help you keep your sanity. And you can also take comfort in the fact that you will never have to have a FIRST baby again! They really are the hardest (in my opinion).
First off...I LOVE the shoes. I am always jealous of your shoes and wish that I could wear shoes like that...but I would probably fall flat on my face and my toes don't "peep" because they are too short. Blah!
Take Nadine to the beach! But like Jessica said, don't let her get sunburned. She probably will love the sound of the crashing waves as much as you.
Can't wait to read The Help. You always recommend the best books.
As for mommy guilt and the newborn stage, I think we all have a lot of our own feelings. I think they are feelings/guilt that we need to release. It is funny to see how different moms handle different things. Addy was an easy baby for me. But her toddlerness...not so much. It is a trial everyday, but it is a trial I love. I think sometimes you just have to look at the good side of things. It is hard somedays to find the good, but just the fact that you have a sweet little one is good.
Another thing I have realized is woman really don't judge us as much as we think. Especially women who are moms. I think I used to be pretty judgemental about a lot of things, but when I became a mom and things didn't go necessarily as I planned them I became a lot more forgiving. I don't judge any more or I try not to because I think that moms need to do whatever they need to to keep their sanity. All (I should say most of us because unfortunately I do watch the news. :) ) of us are doing the best we can. I know I do a lot of stuff that people think I am crazy for, but I do what I do to get through the day and try to be the best mom I can be.
Wow, I wrote a lot. Either way I think you are doing a great job, enjoy the moments you can, even when it's hard, because like Arianne said, you will miss it someday, they are only small and cuddly for so long. :)
I'm with you....the newborn stage is just plain hard! You probably don't remember, but shortly after Claire was born I had a post about how it "Sucks to be the [Bjorkmans]" and how we always enter a different last name when somebody else just had a new baby. But yes, halelujah that it passes and it SERIOUSLY gets so much better. You're doing great! And for sure all us moms know exactly what you're talking about. Also, if ever interested I LOVE the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." I promise I'm not being preachy, I just recommend that book to every mom I ever talk to!
Jen, this was very heartfelt. It's hard to be vulnerable and express our doubts and weaknesses. But it's comforting to discover that sharing our struggles actually opens the door to deeper communication all-around. We realize that we are not as crazy and terrible as we make ourselves out to be, and that people aren't as judgmental as we feared -- in fact, they can be very empathetic. I wish more women communicated on this level -- it's silly to feel pressure to have to stick to a stereotype.
Little Nadine is so lucky to have a mom that loves her so much. And I'm glad you've been able to find joy in the little things. Who doesn't love a good book and a killer pair of shoes? Keep taking some time out for yourself everyday -- your sweet baby will be sleeping through the night before you know it.
... I was going to leave a long comment but I think I'll just email you. :) But "amen!" to your post.
I'm sure I told you the first few months totally suck, didn't I? Because they DO. ESPECIALLY with the first child. I literally was almost put in the hospital by my family, because I was such a wreck with Alex. I don't know how we make it through, but somehow, we do. The first 3 months just suck. There's really no way around it. And somewhere around 5-6 months life STARTS to regain some sort of normalcy. A new normalcy though. Oh and don't you hate everyone always saying "enjoy every moment because it goes so fast". What a load of crap for the newborn first time mommy. I wanted to speed through to high school graduation some days.
Hang in there. This too shall pass...but it sure is hard in the meantime.
You're hilarious. That's all I want to say.
And to read the Guernsey Literary Club and Potato Peel Pie Society if you haven't already. It will give you the same feeling as ordering a hot pair of heels.
I only nursed my first for 8 days and had so many other complications that it was just too much for me and so gave it up. So many people are judgemental about their babies not getting the right nutrients and all that crap and love to state their opinion about me not sacrificing. But I have to say I nursed my other two one for 6 months and the other i still am and my 100% bottle fed kid was way healthier. But the day we get home from the hospital the babies get at least a bottle a day so I get some freedom. I loved the newborn stage with my first, couldn't wait for it to be over with the second, and just enjoyed it with my third. Good luck.
I think the newborn stage is different for everyone. My newborn stage was really the "wait-for-Jane's-duedate" stage. And she basically slept all the time, so it was really easy, and by the time she truly hit the newborn stage I was a little more comfortable being a mom, so that was kind of nice. I do remember when she got colic though, and that wasn't much fun. Honestly, I had a rough time with the newborn stage but it wasn't because of Jane, it was because I couldn't go outside and I was going crazy cooped up inside my house so I blamed my problems on the winter and not the baby. We will see how I do with this next one as it will be summer and I won't have the same excuse.
I know it is hard to believe but there will be things you miss about the newborn stage, like having a bundle to cuddle instead of a little trouble-maker to chase. But by the time you get to that point you just have another baby and are good right?
Reading and sleeping during nursing were some of the only ways to return my sanity during those first few months.
AND- getting sun!--all the more reason to take Nadine to the beach. I remember you have a beautiful beach umbrella- just put her under there -she won't go anywhere and the sound of the waves will be so soothing.
Ahh, I'm getting jealous just thinking about it.
Even though Gwen was born in January, I bundled her and Lincoln up nearly everyday and either took them for a walk or to the park so I could get some sun. (I think I must have a serious Vitamin D addiction)
Yeah, I really don't like those newborn days much and even now I think, WOW, I'm glad Gwen's not a newborn anymore. Sure, like everyone else says, there may be small aspects of those days that I miss, but I definitely wouldn't ever want to go back in time to live them all over again.
Good luck, you'll survive just as the rest of us have- you're doing all the right things.
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